“What does dying feel like?”

Many people who fear death want to know whether the dying process will be physically painful or emotionally distressing. Every body—and every death—is unique, but there are common patterns caregivers and clinicians often see:

• Loss of interest in or energy for previously meaningful activities

• Reduced appetite and thirst

• Decline in basic functional abilities like walking and toileting

• Decreased consciousness, paralleled by a phenomenon known as nearing death awareness

As a hospice worker I’ve seen these stages in hundreds of patients. I often use the short guide Gone From My Sight by Barbara Karnes and the Palliative Performance Scale (PPS) to help patients and their loved ones understand potential changes they may experience.

But knowing in your head what to expect is different than feeling it in your heart.

For emotional insight into the experience of a family facing a rapid cancer death, Sarah Perry’s Death of an Ordinary Man is a poignant memoir. It doesn’t replace clinical information, but it offers a vivid view of the emotional roller coaster that accompanies dying and grieving. I recommend it to people living with a terminal diagnosis and to their caregivers who want to understand the emotional landscape as well as the physical signs.